I Too Wore A Mask (The Blog)

When the Lord gave me the name AGAPE for the ministry, I never asked Him why, because the answer I thought I knew.  And as one of my late father’s favorite subject to preach on was the love of God.  But years later the Lord revealed to me that it was that, but at the same time so much more.   God told that this ministry was not for church folks per say, but for the ones that church folks had rejected, ones that had been wounded by church folks and for church folks to needed real answers.   I heard him say that this ministry was for Real people, looking for Real answers, from a Real God.  From that he laid in my spirit, the only way one can find real deliverance; they must be real with God.


Too bad, I didn’t take my own advice. Because for years, I hid behind a mask, a mask of self righteousness, a mask of a title, a mask of being the teacher, as how could the teacher teach how to be healed, when he was wounded himself.

With a broken marriage, being unemployed and physical injuries from my accident, I was a broken man.  But I wasn’t going to show it, I was the man of God, willing to go the rest of my days unloved, unneeded, to show the world that I was so holy, so saved, and as long as I had King Jesus I didn’t need nobody else.   So I distant myself from those who cared, made fun of those who sought a relationships, as they were weak in their faith with God.  Anyone who got close I pushed away, yes I was unemployed, no marriage, but if I showed weakness, then I was less the servant of the Lord, because God didn’t give us a spirit of fear….and to be truthful I was scared.

So I lean upon my denominational beliefs and the desire to suffer for the cause of Christ, while forgetting that God loved me.  By forgetting this biblical truth, it was easy for me not to love myself.  In myself I saw all the mistakes that I made that put me in the state of depression that I was in.  So I took pleasure in my battles, knowing all the time I was in pain.  Knowing all the time what I needed, I had to go first to God, not in religious theology, not with all the dialects of the King James Version, but I had to go to him real, with real pain, with real scars, with real tears, to a Real God who already knew my pain, but nevertheless gave me the responsibility to come unto Him, who is burden and heavy laden, so that I could find rest.

Now does my pain take away the teachings of being holy, not at the least, but holiness was never created to burden one, but it was created to set apart to find the happiness of serving the Lord Jesus Christ.  Yes! the Word of God stand assure and we are not free to do as we will, yet still Christ came that we might have life and life more abundantly.  I had life, but the abundance was far gone and I sought it no more.

But after years of hearing the words of those who were so spiritual, those who had their own theological spin, He sent one who understood my pain, who understood my tears, it seem that we had an kindred spirit, yes we were both Apostolic, both endowed with the Pentecostal experience, but the connection was more than that, as we both knew also the man made rules in our churches (and yours too) and how a saint of God should and should not feel.  So we had to wear our Apostolic mask and shout in services, when we really wanted to cry before the Lord.

So I wore a mask, a mask of shame of the mistakes that were outside the will of God, I wore mask of a broken marriage and the tears of being alone, for I wore a mask of the struggles of my flesh, I wore a mask feeling less than a man, being unable to provide for my daughter being unemployed…..I wore and I wore it well.  But now that the mask is off, and it does not mean the flood gates are open, and whosoever will let them come; but it does mean that I am open to whatever path He would have me to go to obtain the abundant life that He came to give me.

Many of you are wearing that a mask, not mines, but your mask.  The reasons that I wore could be different from you.  But when I came out of the Recovery Room, the Lord told me to turn in my mask.  If you want true freedom, turn in your mask, give the Lord your pain, your fears, your concerns, and be free to walk in the liberty in which Christ made you free.  Because for over three years, through depression, through unemployment, through a broken marriage, through struggles, I wore a mask, but now I can teach with a new anointing what God sent me to teach.   Agape is for REAL people, looking for REAL answers, from a REAL GOD.   The Agape love of God is for all those who wear a mask.


Published on February 25, 2010 at 9:56 pm  Leave a Comment  

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