Spousal Abuse “In The Church…Part Three” (2009)

In a house that both are born again believers, we must believe that all answers to all problems can be found in the Word of God.  Even spousal abuse, because if one believes in the Lord Jesus Christ, then they must also believe in the ordained role that has been given them as husband and wife and who they are to each other.


The position of the husband in the home and his related responsibilities are quite clearly defined in principle in Ephesians 5:22, 28-31. “Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, even as Christ is head of the church; and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject to Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wife as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it . . . So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church . . . For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shal.1 be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh”.

It is impossible to completely deal with the responsibilities of the husband in such a short article. I am going to ask you to make some notations of scriptures and then read them at a later time. Let us start with some scriptures that deal with the husband as head of the house. Genesis 3:16, says in part “her desire shall be to man”. Then Eph. 5:23, “husband is head of the wife”; then I Tim. 2:11-12, “She shall have no dominion over a man”. Now don’t stop at these verses and think that the only responsibility of the husband is to be HEAD of the house. By the way, head does not mean master as in a master-slave relationship, nor does it mean a relationship like a general to a private in the army. It is more like a partnership where one is the leader, guide, director. Now consider this. Can you think of any decision that a husband should make WITHOUT consulting or considering his wife and her wishes? I cannot!

Now let us consider some other responsibilities. The husband is to love his wife above all other human beings. Consider Eph. 5:25 and 28; and Col. 3:19. These passages teach that the husband is to be considerate and tender. The verses in Ephesians 5 teach that the husband is to cherish his wife. This means that she is to be treated with tenderness and affection. This would mean that since love must be fed, there is to be a warm demonstrative love relationship. The husband has the responsibility of not only demonstrating his love and concern, but telling her. He should not sit in such self-absorption that he does not talk with her and communicate with her socially, mentally, verbally and physically. The husband will demonstrate his love for his wife in other ways, rather than just at the time of sexual relationship. If this is the only time that affection and consideration is shown, then a wife will get the idea that all a husband is interested in is her body and that she is merely a sex object.

I Peter 3:7, teaches that the husband is to honor his wife. She gave up her name to take yours. Honor means that you should show her respect and this involves courtesy, consideration and emotional support. Be sure that as her husband that you do not hold her up to ridicule in public by the cutting remarks that you make. She wears YOUR name and is to viewed as part of your body. She is not perfect and you are aware of this. Do not expect perfection, but as Ephesians 4:32 teaches, “forbear one another”. This means to be gentle toward her. Control of temper, abstaining from physical violence and restraining a sharp tongue that makes one feel so inferior – are ways by which you can exhibit forbearance.

Paul presents another responsibility of husbands in I Timothy 5:8 – “But if any provide not for his own, especially for those of his own household, he hath denied the faith and is worse than an infidel”. Marriage is a financial venture and the husband has a responsibility to finance or support or provide for his family. This is talking about money. As a husband, your earnings are not your own but belong to your wife as well and your children.

Another responsibility of the husband is to be active in the area of the discipline and rearing of the children. When the Apostle Paul was giving the qualifications for elders and deacons, he included this statement that is certainly applicable to all men: I Timothy 3:3-5, and he speaks of ruling your own house. Now this discipline should be with love. Many times discipline is administered without love. The Book says in Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers provoke not your children to wrath”, and again in Colossians 3:21, “Fathers provoke not your children to anger lest they be discouraged”. The husband therefore does not leave all the discipline up to his wife, but shares in the molding and direction of your children. It is not a proper division of responsibility to say that as the husband I will provide the living and the wife is to take care of the house and children. The husband has duties even after his days work is done by which lie is earning a living to support his family.

The Christian father should set an example for his family as he earns a living, directs the household with concern for each member, and as he fulfills his role as head of the house. He should see to their spiritual development by the life he lives and the direction in which he leads his family.

Your wife is a part of your body – you are a part of each other. For this reason Paul said, “Love your wife”. He didn’t say, if you want to. As you love her, you love yourself and are fulfilling the role that the Lord wanted you to have.


Your interest in this subject is appreciated and I am glad that we have the Bible as our source book to tell us what God expected of the wife in the marriage relationship. There are several verses in Ephesians, the fifth chapter that you should read, beginning with verse 22. Let me read only three of these for you. Verse 22, “Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord”. Then verse 24, “Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything”. Then verse 33, “nevertheless let everyone of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband”. Then in I Peter 3:1, “Like wise you wives, be in subjection to your own husbands”.

None of these passages teach that women are inferior in intellect, but that her feminine qualities preclude her being as well endowed for leadership. The subjection does not mean servitude. It is not the relationship of master and slave or as a maid or servant. Hers is a recognition of the husband’s leadership, wisdom and tenderness. He should be as loving toward her as Christ loved the church.

At this point, there are several privileges that belong to the wife. For instance, she is to be loved like Christ loved the church as commanded in Ephesians 5:25. She is to be honored as none other in I Peter 3:7, and she is to be praised by her family, Pro. 31:28. In Titus 2:4 we read, “That (the aged women) may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed”. Here is a fine list of the responsibilities of the wife. All of these are important, but let us just dwell on four of these.

“To love their husbands” is a command. Too often this is equated by men to believe it is only a sexual relationship and in the mind of some women, that is all they think they are good for. To love your husband means that you are a partner with him, working together toward a common goal. Then you can be appreciative of his actions, efforts and work in supporting the family. You will do all that you possibly can to see that they are comfortable and happy when they come home.

“To love their children”, is another command. As men provide for the family financially, mothers s stay home and rear the children. This might often be considered a thankless job. This is an area in which you can excel. As he earns the living and supports the family, you take care of the children while he is gone to work and make the house comfortable by keeping it pleasant and enjoyable. Yes, children can become exasperating at times, but remember, they are children who are still developing and learning. They need that sober guiding hand of the mature mother who lets them know that they are the objects of her love and concern.

“To be obedient to their own husband” points out the closeness of the two.” This is not indicating that You can’t and do not have any thoughts of your own The idea is that as husband and wife work together and that you are not constantly pulling in an opposite direction. This obedience does not mean that you are a slave or an indentured servant, but rather that you are sharing a mutual goal. The harshness of the word obedient is tempered by the display of love and affection that the husband shows his wife. “To be keepers at home” is a command that indicates a divided responsibility. His job seems to be to go out and earn the living and provide for his family while she looks after the home. Even though a wife does not work outside of the home in what we call public work, she is still vital to the income of the family. Hers is a non-income producing activity, but it is still vitally important to the overall success of the family.

When God created woman, she was taken from the rib of man as is described in Genesis. She was not taken from his foot that she might be crushed underneath his heel in bitterness. Neither was she taken from his head so that she might rule over him. She was not taken from the hand so that she might continually fill the position of waiting upon him. She was taken from the rib on man that she might be by his side continually. She is to be loved and is to respond as a part of his body. Husbands and wives are a part of each other. Let me call your attention to the Old Testament in which the writer Solomon describes a worthy woman. It is Proverbs 31:10-31. (Read). These verses quite explicitly give us God’s view of a wife and mother.

I cannot tell how many believers that I have talked to recently who have having marital problems, ministers and lay members alike.  God is not pleased and neither am I.  I am sick and tired of the devil attacking our homes and our marriages, but by the anointing of the Holy Ghost, I speak and bind this demon of broken homes.  And I speak reconciliation to our hearts, our minds, our sprits, and to the love that is a man and his wife.

Published on August 19, 2009 at 5:55 pm  Leave a Comment  

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