I have heard it all of my life at the few weddings I have attended, even said it myself in April of 1995, they are called vows. A man and a woman vowing to each other to love, to honor, to cherish, and this part which if we don’t do, we cannot uphold the other vows,..’FORSAKING ALL OTHERS”. What does that mean, what is forsaking all others and what does it not mean? If I had just a little understanding of what this meant, maybe today I would not be living under different homes with my family. I pray that at the end of this it will be a blessing to all and shared with others.
Before one can understand marriage, or at least in the Godly sense, one must understand the relationship between Christ and the Church, as this is the example used to show the bond between a man and his wife. The Old Testament Church was the nation of Israel and the Lord God told them that He was a jealous God and He would have no other God before him….Well in the New Testament, Jesus, God in the flesh tells the Church, to love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and with thy spirit. We are taught in the Bible that when a man and woman come together in marriage, they are no longer two, but one, as nothing or no one should between a man and his wife. Not your jobs, your dreams, your desires, not even your ministries, as how can one take care of the House of God and cannot take care of home. It is the World of God. For when one takes a wife or a husband and become one flesh, forsaking all others is a must for a successful marriage.
Forsaking all others can be difficult at times, as a friendship could be harmless, nothing sexual at all, but if for whatever reason, however harmless, you must choose between your mate or your friend. Choose between that friend you hang out at work and the woman at home, choose between that work buddy, you know the one that is like a brother, and the husband at home. If outside relationships though it may seem harmless to you, it may even be based on some insecurities by your mate, nevertheless nothing should come between you and your mate. Because you made a vow to forsake all others, just as the old song say there is nothing between me and my savior, there should be nothing between you and your mate. For the Bible teaches us that God created the family before he created the church. Yet is important that we marry someone who holds dear the same spiritual walk with the Lord, for what fellowship light have with darkness.
I don’t care if you are the Chief Apostle and Bishop of the world, nothing should come between you and your help meet, I don’t care if you are a CEO of a million dollar company, nothing should come between you and your wife or husband. Not your friends, not your job, not your dreams, nothing at all, as you made a vow to forsake all others……a lesson that I hope I didn’t learn too late.
A PLACE CALL AGAPE 
Hmmm … this is one of those subjects that really is a no brainer, yet rests on many factors.
Perhaps a lot of the confusion rests on what “Forsaking all others” really means. It might be a very good idea BEFORE couples tie the knot to define what each one understands these three words to mean. My female mind understands it to mean that WHATEVER needs my man requires from a woman, he will come to me for. Of course, I understand also that whatever needs I require from a man, that I will go to my man to have those needs met.
So, for example, if my man has needs that are sexual, he will come to me to meet those needs ~ and I am bound to my own commitment to him to ensure that his sexual needs are fulfilled. Likewise, if I have emotional needs that I need to be met, for example, needing my husband to communicate with me on an emotional level, I will expect him to meet those needs so I don’t feel a void in that area of my life.
The problem that happens when partners don’t legitimately meet each others needs ~ regardless of what those needs are ~ is that there is a feeling of being ripped off. It’s like you signed up for something that you thought would bring you fulfillment, but as it turns out, you’re left feeling unfulfilled. These feelings leave us with voids in our lives and make us vulnerable to seeking out filling in these voids.
Partners who withhold from their partners the emotional needs or sexual needs are equally responsible for creating the voids that occur as a result of needs not being met. Although no one is responsible for someone else actions, if for example a partner strays from the marital relationship to have their sexual needs met, they are responsible in part for their partners vulnerability in this area if they aren’t willing to uphold their end of the marital vow. It’s true that no one ever died from not having sex, but sex is a need that is part of a LOVING relationship ~ and is meant to be an expression of the love between two people committed to one another.
In my opinion, marriage is meant to be a give and take relationship that fosters a deep and lasting friendship and love between two people who have made the decision to walk through this life together. It isn’t meant to be a “take and take” relationship or a “give and give” relationship. Women who with hold what they know their men need are engaging in “abusive” behaviors. And likewise, men who with hold what they know their woman needs, are engaging in “abusive’ behaviors. When such behaviors are present in a marriage, the couple is on a downward spin and there is danger that the love that originally brought them together will begin to erode and be replaced with resentment. I am convinced, and have seen it happen all too often, that once partners begin to harbor resentment and do not communicate their needs to one another, disaster awaits them around the corner.
So make love not war folks! We’re here for a good time, not a long time!
🙂
majedama
Wonderful reply my sister, you brought it with no holding back. Sometime we in the church are scared to talk about sex, and like you said, no one never died from having sex but it does play a very important part in marriage. Forsaking all others in easy to say, but for some reason in today marriages, it seem so hard to do….communication is the key.
Be Blessed
Byron
My husband and I have been together for twenty two years, and he always puts his children from a previous relationship before me. Yesterday we were supposed to go shopping, however when his daughter who is married with two children of her own called and stated that she wanted my husband to go with them to eat breakfast, she did not invite me. He went and stayed several hours. He did not even consider that I might be hungry too. What do I do? I am so upset. It has spoiled my entire weekend.
First of all, let me say Praise the Lord, my sister Evelyn and to know that I will be praying for you.
Not knowing the place where your husband is in Christ, I will not deal with personally, but I will deal the problem as a whole, when dealing with men, which I am one. Most men have a problem, myself included, have or have had understanding the complete role of being a husband. I am sure, matter of fact, I know many women who don’t understand their role as well, but let us deal with men at this point.
The Bible tells the man, for this cause shall a man leave his mother and his father, and cleave unto his wife. Many years of my marriage, this is where I fell short, trying to balance the role of husband and son, where it should not have been a problem, as my wife should have always came first.
In your case, you walked into a possible problem, which is not wrong to do, but one should always be careful when we marry one with children. But many don’t understand what it takes to build a marriage, yes we the men got it down the submission part, but many fail the forsaken all others part. Why? Because many don’t understand the relationship between Christ and the Church (His Bride). Nothing comes before Christ and His Bride. The Bible tell the man to love his wife and Christ loves the Church (The Bride) and gave his own life for it. Notice, He did not tell to die for our parents, our children, our friends, but for our wives. And until a man or woman understand that in marriage we are ONE flesh, and one does forsake his or abuse his eyes to please his hands. So one understand if I hurt or disrespect my wife, then I am disrespecting myself, because we are ONE flesh.
So what should you do, be honest, tell him how you feel, communication is the key. How you should come before anyone, even his children. Keep praying for wisdom with your words and your conversation, again communicate, do not attack. Speak in love and not in anger. Speak in the love that you have for your husband the union that the both of you share for 21 years. I am in prayer for you and with you that the Devil will be defeated and Lord will be exalted for His victory.
Be Bless
Byron
well spoken 🙂
what about grown kids??? my husband helped raise my children for 15 yrs he doesnt like my daughter she came to visit for thanksgiving and he wants to leave me becasue i let her stay …should i have made my daughter leave so as to not forsake my husband?
This is a very tough decision and I am in prayer for you and your family. But in the real world, husbands can have so much peace of mind when we realize that there is no closer bond than that of a mother and her children. But in the real world is not always in agreement with the Word of God.
You and your husband are one flesh, nothing and I do mean nothing and no one should come between you and your husband. Not even our children. Especially grown children. I pray that your husband, you, and your daughter, can come to some agreement on the time she can stay there, but remember you made a vow to your husband, not your children. Again, I am praying for you
My husband and I will celebrate our 25th anniversary in two months. He returned from Kuwait three weeks ago after a six month deployment. We have never been apart for more than a few weeks at a time before. Our children are now in college as of this past August.
He has never been a very social person, and we always stay with each other and don’t socialize much. We’ve had our share of problems with emotional abuse, both the children and myself. We have managed to work through it, and we were fine before my husband left in June.
I began to notice after a couple of months that he did not want to talk about anything other than exchanging facts, and would be annoyed or angry when I asked about anything emotional. He even hung up on me a couple of times. I had no way to call him. I had to wait for him to call me.
While he was there, he was placed, and somewhat chose, to work isolated with a lady a few years older than him. They began socializing outside of work, and I could tell that he was becoming friends with her. When I mentioned her, he became defensive and accused me of thinking something was going on. He became secretive and began lying to me about her. He refused to introduce her to me. I was home alone while he spent sixteen hours a day with this lady, including all meals, transportation, entertainment, and living in the same building. I was jealous of her time with him.
When he returned, he seemed like a stranger and would not look me in the eyes when we did talk. He didn’t want to spend alone time with me. It seemed like a chore. He has began to warm up some, but his sexual appetite is nothing like it was before he left. He acts as if he’s doing me a favor. The morning after he arrived home, I saw him on the computer trying to login to Skype, his means of communication with me while he was gone, and apparently his means of communication with her and the other coworkers while he was there. He told me that he didn’t remember the password when I saw him on it. I asked him to discontinue contact with her. He told me that I was not going to control him and he planned on contacting her privately and not telling me about it. He says that I can’t handle the truth. Three weeks later, he still plans on contacting her. He calls it networking.
His interest and habits have changed. He tried to quit smoking, with her help. I’ve begged him for years. He gave his cigarettes to her to control him, and he would ask her for one at a time. He now wants to go to the gym, which I’ve begged him for years. He’s now interested in appearance and personal grooming, for the first time since I’ve known him. He even got a pedicure while he was gone. He would never have done that here with me. I’m not certain if he was alone or not, but I highly doubt it.
I don’t mind him having friends. He needs friends. However, he will never see this woman again; he will never go to Kuwait again. Why does he want to stay in contact so badly and lie to me about it? Am I being controlling? I thought that forsaking all others meant that nothing would endanger your marriage. He says that it’s all me, and he’s not endangering our marriage.
I’ve prayed and am seeking counseling. Should I be concerned with this situation? My marriage is the most important thing in my life, and I want for us to be happy.
Let me say first and foremost that you and your husband are in my prayers.
I am very careful in what I am about to say without hearing your husband side of the story, but from what you told me I would be concern. Your husband seem to be making a lot of the mistakes that I made in my marriage. As no one, no job, nothing at all should come between a man and his wife. When a man or woman have to keep secrets about a friend, there is a problem. It doesn’t always have be sexual, but there is a problem. Because the first person that one should come to when they need to talk is their mate, even before their pastor, your mate is the first person you should talk to. You are “one flesh”, so they must share everything. So there should be no secrets between a husband and a wife. As emotional bonding can be almost worst, if not even more worst that sexual bonding. If we read the the story of Samson and Delilah, the mistake Samson made was that he told his heart. We have only one heart, so we must be careful who we share it with. I should never have a friend that my wife doesn’t know about or can’t tell them about.
I will be in prayer for your marriage, as through the mistakes that I made in mines, the Lord has put a burning in my spirit for marriages. Can it be fixed, yes without a doubt….but both have to want it to work and forgiveness must be key in the healing process.
I am more than forgiving; however, he refuses to discuss the situation. He becomes irate and verbally abusive if I try to discuss it.
I know that he loves me and wants to be with me. But, for some reason, when I hurt about something, it only annoys him. I’ve even had suicidal thoughts because of this. I am an educated professional; this is not normal for me and I am seeking help for it. He told me that when I am like that, I am ” a thorn in his side.” I don’t know what else to do but to stay quiet about it. I appreciate your prayers.
I hope you will take time to read my blog called “Saved and Depression”. So I just don’t write or teach from ideas, most of my blogs come from life experiences….In the Name of Jesus I speak healing in your heat.
Precious God our Father in the Name of Jesus Christ, I pray right now that you touch my sister, touch her marriage, touch her heart, touch her home, and I bind the thought of depression and suicide in the Name of Jesus.
You said in your word, that you will keep us in perfect peace who mind is stayed on thee…I pray that whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think she think on these things.
Give her strength, give her power to endure, and let her know that even in the dark times that you will never leave nor will you forsake her. I pray victory and claim it done in Jesus Name…Amen
I’ll be checking on you.
Thank you. I will read your other blogspot. Your words and prayers mean a lot to me.
Recently, my husband and my mother got into a physical fight. My mother insisted that I leave my husband, although, my mother was at fouhgt as well. I immediatelty took the stance that I will not leave my husband because he is my HUSBAND. I don’t condone the behaviors of my husband nor my mother. My mother does not understand that my husband comes first in my life no matter what the situation is. I have forgiven my husband for his indiscretions during our marriage. We were on our way of starting a new life with our 2 month baby. My mother is having a difficult time with my decision. She feels that she and my brother and sister she come before my husband because of the situation that occurred. I feel that I am doing the right thing by sticking by my husband, but my mother is really trying to make me feel guilty about staying committed to my marriage. I feel that if I do my part in my marriage the Lord will bless it although my husband has strayed away before. I told her the I took a vow to forsake all others and her response was “You going to forsake your mother” and I replied yes. I told her that she will always be my mother and we will continue to maintain our mother/daughter relationship but she wants all or nothing. She even told me at times to make a choice. I chose my husband. Do you think I am doing the right thing?
While I would never condoned physical abuse, but if you feel ASSURED that it will never happen again, then I applaud your decision. Because the Bible tells he husband as Christ loves the Church, so should the husband love his wife. Christ does not abuse the church, nor should a man abuse his wife. But again, I applaud your decision to stand by the vows. As you are both one flesh with each other.
But many times parents have a hard time when they are no longer first and foremost in their children lives after they get married. But for this cause shall a man leave his mother and his father and cleave unto his wife, as the same goes for the woman as well. Our mates should be the first and foremost on our lives. Though biblical, even Christians have a hard time excepting this when it comes to our personal lives. Not only the parents, but sometime even the mates, most of the time sadly the man, who has the most difficult in separating wife and momma, keeping them in their rightful place.
I pray continue blessing upon your marriage and your wonderful 2 month baby, and you continue to please God first, your husband second, and the rest just have to fall in line. Let the Lord lead you. God bless you.
Byron
When I said forsaking all others, that ment I would be faithful to my husband and not be tempted by another man. It didn’t mean that I would give up my family and friends. I have a friend who recently got married to a very insecure controling man, who turned her into to a dependant insecure woman that cators to his very demand, puts him before there children, herself, family and friends. My friend isn’t allowed to do anything unless it’s with him. I don’t believe thats what forsaking all others is ment in the wedding vowels. My husband has never nor would never tell me who my friend could be, or when or if I could spend time with my family, nor would I do that to him. Marriage is suppose to be about love,respect,understanding and comprimise. Not one controling the other. When people get married they become a couple not siamese twins. I don’t think just because you get married you have to spend 24 hrs a day 7 days a week constantly together, especially just because one person is inscure. If you can’t trust your husband or wife to be out of your sight long enough to visit with there family or friend or go to the grocier store, then you shouldn’t be married but in couseling.
Thank you so much for your comments. But let me say that in my ministry that there is one thing that I try to teach in all subjects and that is BALANCE.
So please understand me that I am not saying that one should be with their mates 24/7. As one mate should be their world, but not the only thing in their world. It’s good for each to have different interest and even friends to a degree. My point that we should never let out outside interest come between us and out mates. Personally, I am against having a real, real, real, close single friend of the opposite sex and you are married. I am not saying that you can’t have single friends, but you don’t hang after work with a single friend and you have a husband or wife at home. You are asking for trouble. If you go to the club, then club with your mate. You party, then party with your mate And the relationship could be friends and nothing more, but the Bible says to shun the very appearance of evil. As it just looks bad, you hanging out with someone after work and your mate is somewhere else.
As I agree that marriage is suppose to be about love,respect,understanding and compromise, but it is also about responsibility and accountability. And both we are to our mates. Again, I agree we don’t need to be around each other 24/7, as it not needed, nor is it healthy, but at the end of day we are married and my thoughts, my emotions, and heart is no longer mines, but hers as well, as we are one flesh. Believe me I speak not only from revelation from God, but I speak from mistakes which breaks my heart each day I come to an empty house.
So I am not talking about someone who is checking your emails, calling you on the hour and asking where you are, that is not marriage, that is bondage, unless the other person haven given them a reason. And that is another subject which is very sad. To be truthful, I am not talking about our mates at all, but I am talking about the mate that we see in the mirror, and that is the person who must ask the question, am I FORSAKING ALL OTHERS.
I am in a place in my Marriage where this quote “Forsaking All Others” is an answer to what is not right in my marriage. I just celebrated my 4th year of marriage but the problems have been around since day one and only gotten worse with time. I grew up in church, my father is an elder and mother is a missionary and of course I a rebellious kid who just wanted to get away from it all but came running back because of lifes obstacles. I am currently a civilian contractor overseas and have been here about three months and it seems as though things have gone from bad to worse. I came over because of economic times and to give my family a fresh start. My wife was able to quit her job and attend college full time to finish her degree, and we have a gorgeous daughter who will soon be four that is in daycare during the day. The recurring problem is my inability to Trust my wife. She has lied to me during our marriage on a few separate occasions, and is always not telling the whole story which I consider a lie as well. It is easy for me to forgive; the problem is the frequency that does not allow me to forget. For her b-day she wanted to go to the club with a girlfriend of hers that has tried to sabotage our marriage on several occasions. I told her my dislikes about the idea and she brought up how she is bored with nothing else to do & she of course went any way. Lately I find myself asking God is this for me? Is this what I signed up for? Of course this is only one of the problems and I can only state my side with respect to her. I have a void of unhappiness and loneliness and depression all wrapped into one. I make it a point to have a daily devotion every morning, and I truly learn a lot but the hurt is still there when I finish my prayer. I saw a writer mention a void, and the void is so real. It is hard for me to imagine that I feel this way especially when I make as much as I do. The old saying of money can’t buy happiness is so true. Other problems included sex after our daughter and these were some of our worst arguments ever, it is years later and today I have the same problem when it comes to sex in my marriage. I have the feeling that my wife truly does not want to be with me but how do you come to a conclusion like that without having regrets? and yes I did ask her and she says yes, she does want to be married. I can write for hours, but like I stated this is only my side and of course she has her side, but this is so not what I would have ever expected in a marriage.
First and foremost, let me say out of the box that my brother, not just in word, but in my heart, I am praying for you and your wife, along with your daughter as well. The devil is lie.
I can only imagine of loving someone, who may or may not love you. Again as you said, there are two sides on every story. But I do know that communication is the key and it must before the marriage and even more doing the marriage. For sex can be mind blowing, off the hook if you please, but when trust is broken, the marriage slowly dies…..I know.
Your wife in this case, if what you stated is correct, should not, or any one, should not go out with a friend who talks negativity about their mate or their marriage. As when one becomes married, they become one flesh, and when you talk about my my mate, then you are talking about me.
You seem to be a very supportive husband and with what little I know, I will say to be not weary in well doing, for in due season you shall reap if you faint not. Keep on being the loving husband and father, you may have to cry sometime, but on doing what is right, and the Lord take care of the rest.
As a minister I would never recommend divorce, as I know from experience that it easy to leave, but so very hard to reconcile. So let that be your very, again, very last resort. As we do all deserve to be happy, especially in our marriages, so with that again, i am praying the peace of God upon your life and that God will grant you peace to you, and your marriage, your family as a whole that will surpass all understanding. Please keep in touch, I am truly praying for you in Jesus Name.
I discovered a year ago that my husband got into a relationship with my first cousin barely a year after our lovely wedding. by the time i knew there were two children. I never knew what was happening but some family members knew and chose not to tell me or to stop them. When it all came out he says he did not plan for the kids and wanted to stay with me. he says he wants to support those kids. how can this work? i want to honour God by not giving into divorce. this is the plan of the devil, but its hard really hard. what do you think?
As one who is separated from his wife, not for the same reason, but more of emotional detachment, nevertheless, pain of a marriage that goes wrong is the same. But at the same time I am believing God for reconciliation, despite the mistakes that I made.
I want to deal this two ways, first by the Word of God, which is the final word on this or any other subject. And lastly, I want to deal with this human side, yet staying in the Word of God.
Scripturally, you have ready right to divorce him. Matthew 19:9 tells us that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Now some say this also gives us the right to remarry, but the Word does not contradict itself. Because Paul taught in the 7th chapter of Romans 7:2-3 ” by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. 3So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man.
Notice it did not say as long as he or she is faithful, or a long as he or she treat their mate with respect….but as long as they both live. And since all scriptures and not some, but all comes from the inspiration of God, if I believe Matthew, then I got to believe Romans as well.
Even 1st Corinthians 7:10-11, it gives us the answer to what our next step should be if one divorce or separate. “10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.”
Now let s deal with the natural….this is not easy teaching, but it’s the Word of the Lord. Is forgiveness possible…YES. Jesus told us to love each other as He has love us. And God knows I have been unfaithful to Him at times, but He has forgiven me. It will take time, much prayer, and healing that the Lord can only give, but I believe it can be done. Not over night, not tomorrow, but maybe even years. But both of you have to make up in your mind that you want to make it work. It’s tough, especially when the unfaithfulness have produced children and someone in your own family. So can it done…YES. Chance it being done…WHEW! NOT GREAT. But can it be done…THAT’S UP TO YOUR AND YOUR HUSBAND.
But being real, not knowing your age, the question can you live a celibate lifestyle if your decision is not to return to your husband. That is why the Apostle Paul speak not of himself, but of commandment or by the leading of God….if you cannot then return to your mate. Because even though remarriage when your mate is alive will not, I repeat, will not send one to Hell, it is not in the will of God. So speaking from T. Byron in the natural, remarriage is better than fornication or adultery, but in the Bible all is wrong.
My advice is to seek God, make no quick decisions, or make any quick actions, but seek God. Fast and pray, as it said in all thy ways seek God and He shall direct they path. For the Holy Ghost will give what you need to endure the hardness as a soldier of the Lord Jesus Christ. The Holy Ghost will comfort you in those lonely moment. And know that where two or there are together, touching and agreeing on anything, Jesus said that I am in the midst. I say that to say this….I have never met you, only know what you have told me, but know that this Holy Ghost filled preacher from Washington D.C. is agreeing with you and touching your faith in God. With us both, by the Word of Lord, Jesus is there with us. I love you with the love of Jesus and through his Agape love, I will continue to call out your name in prayer. Be bless.
P.S.—I will as well put this on the other blog that you sent to me as well.
Greetings,
Im not sure if you are still answering questions in response to the above reading ” Forsake all others”. I have been dealing with the fact that I was dating my NOW husband for 8 years prior to marrying him. married in 2009, however, it was discovered in 2008 that he fathered a child he knew nothing about and also that he was seeing someone else the same year that he was seeing two years prior. I forgave him and we got married less than a year later.
Now the lady wants child support and I now feel this has rekindled som pain in my heart because in 2004 I nearly begged him not the get a vasectomy because he knew when I met him I wanted a child and I know I could have left him at that point, but i didnt. nevertheless, he wouldnt go away he wanted me in his life.
I dont want to feel that I am being a mean person, but now that he is my husband, isnt it right that I am first no matter what? How do I make it through this because it almost feels humiliating. He had a vasectomy reversal, but it hasnt worked for us. I feel like i made a mistake in marrying him because I dont want to take the childs father away but at the same time i am his wife and I come before anyone or any thing – right? I have prayed to the Lord to help me with my heart. I am still confused and maybe even hurt – I forgave him but I am struggling with it within myself.
Thank you for your time and may the Lord Bless you and keep you always.
God Bless you my sister. Thank you so much for your comments. As much as I would like for it to be, the subject of marriage, divorce, and re-marriage is not as cut and try, as many pastors would try to make it seem. But let me say that marriage at it’s best has hills and valleys, but it does seem that this one started off before the honeymoon with troubles. Marriage is base off trust, and if I am understanding he had the vasectomy without your knowledge, and then for him to have other children from a previous relationship only add to the stress. But you did marrying him knowing that he had another child.
Nevertheless, you as his wife comes first. We are commanded to love our wife (not our children) as Christ loves the Church. Now this does not release his job as being as father as well, but the wife comes first. So it seem to me that he must be able to balance both jobs and roles. You have touch decisions to make, and I pray the blessings of the Lord to lead you in your path way. Seek Him, he has the answer for you. You and your husband are in my prayers.
I read all these post and sadly I see I am not alone. I am in a marriage where the wife feels that sex is a chore and is more interested in going out with her friends than spending time with me and our family. I have tried to talk to her but she either says I am acting jealous or a fight ensues. I pray to God for guidance but feel as if it is falling on deaf ears. She says she love me all the time but needs the friendship of other men and likes for other men to pick up on her at bars. I try to do things romantically for her but most times only get hurt by the attempt. She is on Facebook and I know as friended some ex-relationships and everytime I see her she is on Facebook. I told her that I feel alone and would like time with her but she says she is tired or just one minute which then turns into hours while she is on Facebook. I do not know where to turn anymore as I feel depressed, unwanted, and really do not want to leave but am at my wits end. This is really shaking my faith, I do still pray but am starting to wonder why.
While in prayer for your marriage, at the same time I tip my hat to you my brother for being honest as you are. A lot of time it seemS that only the woman can be hurt or in need of attention. We men can be real men and still have feelings.
My adivce is to continue to be open and honest with your wife, don’t let communication die. And most of all be honest and open with the Lord as well, though he knows what we have need of even before we ask, He still wants us to come to Him as children to a loving father. So keep your communication open with your wife and the Lord. I am praying for you….be bless. But whatever you do, DONT’ GIVE UP.
A couple of years ago a friend/coworker that I think of as a daughter, asked me if I knew of any single christian men that wouldn’t mind meeting a single mother of 4. I said I don’t know. I went home that evening and was talking to my husband about what she said and he said he knew someone. It was a childhood friend of his, that is an minister. He had been married before but really wants to be married and have a family. So he asked him and I asked her and they talked by email before she decided that she didn’t want to persure anything with him. As it turns out she mentioned him to a friend of her’s that said “stay away from him, he is a stalker!” Well a few months later her friend married him! Now she told my friend not to but she did. Well they Married and now THEY are getting a divorce! When he stopped giving her money then she decided to get even buy filing “stalking” charges against him!. Now he is in danger of losing his job and here comes MY husband to the rescue! WIthout talking to me, he cosents to go to court and tesitfy about us fixing he and my friend up and my friend saying no because her friend said he was a stalker. I told him that my freind has a lot on her plate trying to raise 4 babies on her own, sometimes with child support but most of the time without. It would be unfair to her to be put in the middle of their drama. my husbands friend was warned not to marry her and he did anyway! My question is am I wrong for saying to my husband to stay out of it and let his friend face his drama. I don’t think it is fair to drag the rest if us in the middle of HIS mess! I keep going back and forth with “Am I my brothers keeper?” WHat would you do?
The MAIN problem that my husband and I have had since we have been married is that EVERYONE forgets that he has a wife now and whatever they need or want from him he should ALWAYS be there and show NO regard for me. It had gotten better. Now here it goes again! What happend to “forsaking ALL others!”
Sherry! Whew this tough one. Personally, not that it is right or wrong, but I wouldn’t got involved from the jump, I let people find their own mate, so if it falls apart, I won’t have the trouble that you are having, but again that is just me.
But as for what has happen since the break up and only going by what you have told me (because there is two side to every story)…..I would agree with you. I am ole skool when it comes down to what the Bible says about husband and wife, I believe that the man is the head, the leader, but being the head does make the husband the dictator. The Bible tells the husband to love his wife as Christ loves the church, and Christ puts nothing before the Church.
Yes! It is a sad story what happen between the couple, I agree and they are in my prayers, but if it’s going to cost conflict in your home, then pray for them and leave it the hands of the Lord. I am a firm believer (though I have learn from my mistakes) not to let nothing or no one come before your marriage. Not your job, your children, your hobbies, not even your position in church, as Christ made the family before He made the Church. You can be a part of a part of all, but know your priorities.
So in my opinion base on what you have told me, I agree with you 100 percent. Married people must remember that we “one flesh” and that submitting to one another goes both ways. The wife submitting to the God given authority of the husband and the husband to the respect of the wife being the helpmeet. So it is not the husband job to be the savior to everyone, nor is it the wife, we are here to meet each other needs, and anything or person that is taken away from that is outside the will of God.
Thank you so much for sharing with the Agape family, and I am praying that nothing comes before your marriage, and grow to be that which God has ordained for the marriage to be. Everyone mention in this reply is in my prayer. God bless you all.
Thank you SO much! Believe me I learned my lesson on match making! At the time I reaaly saw no harm in it because that is how I met my husband. A mutual friend set us up on a blind date 13 years ago and though we have had our share of “stuff” we are still together. We will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary in a few months. Again thank you SO much for listening and for your prayers FOR ALL OF US! God Bless
My wife and I have been married for 14 – almost 15 years. For most of the past ten (10) years, I have put up with a continuing stream of emotional and physical abuse from from wife that has only gotten worse. Three years ago, I discovered that my wife had had two affairs, gotten pregnant during one and had an abortion, and has since had several other affairs. When I have confronted her on this, in marriage counseling, she denies it, says it was none of my business, I don’t want her to have friends etc. Last July, I left for an overseas assignment just to get away from the stress of dealing with this day-to-day – but she still lives with my 12 year old daughter. She uses my daughter as her “hook” to try to make me feel guilty and manipulate me into coming back. We do not have – and perhaps are not able to have – any calm, rational discussion of our “issues” – as her modus operandi is to shout me down and then say that I am not giving her the chance to talk. She called me today about some problems in the house that is still our joint property and tells me that if I were a “real man” I would come over and fix them. I simply tell her she needs to hire someone.
I am dreading the next two weeks as my family will be gathering to bury my father – a war hero – who died last year. I would like my daughter to come, so she can honor who grandfather along with her cousins, but my wife will not let her come with me only and I am afraid that my wife will behave in a disrepectful manner at the ceremony. I’ve already had experience with her and her “emotional outbursts” in the past. I will not insist in the end that she allow my daughter to come. But I feel it is highly unfair to me and my daughter that she uses emotional bullying to separate my daughter from me and me and my daughter from the rest of my family.
This article and followup are good…and so needed. Forsaking all others is the linchpin to a marriage and true forgiveness is the counterpoint. The two go hand in hand. My first marriage in divorce over infidelity. It was a difficult thing to overcome, but God allowed the love for my husband to overshadow my pain and forgive beyond my ability. This allowed God to work in his heart…to help him grow. I could then move on.
Fidelity in marriage is not easy… to sin is really easy. The offers of interludes are rampant. And yet, somehow when we walk away from our potential sin to forsake all others, God is glorified. May somehow we all have that strength.
I’m about to get married in a few months and my fiancé has this female friend that they once upon time were interested in each other, but decided just to remain friends. I personally have the mindset that it’s not good to have a close friend of the opposite sex. Since the beginning of our relationship I have asked what exactly his relationship with her is and he says that they are just friends. I believe in what he says, however I’m not comfortable with their interactions even when it is once and a while. She really doesn’t talk to me even though we have grown up together and our families are quite close. I told him how I believe it obvious that she is making it clear that she is not my friend, but yours. His response is, “What do you want me to do about it. It’s not my place.”
My fiancé does not initiate communication anymore with her, but it appears that she is the one always initiating through text, phone calls or IM or face to face when I’m near. He stands by the fact that he will never ignore her of cut her off regardless of how I feel and how it chips at our relationship every time I express it to him. She is not the type of person who would stop initiating conversation even if the other person stops reaching out to them.
I thought maybe when we got engaged that the communication would cease, but it hasn’t. He believes that I’m zeroing in on her, but I would feel like this with anyone–more so females than males though. There was multiple times that she didn’t acknowledge me and I felt ignored by both of them especially when they engaged in isolated conversation after services.
I know that nothing is going on, but I worry and that’s not good. Please know that I’m not judging but I feel that she is not “spiritual” minded and needs to come up otherwise she probably would keep her distance in my opinion. Some people say it’s wrong for me to tell him who he can and cannot be friends with and some people tell me that it’s not right and it needs to stop.
I’m very uncomfortable with it, perhaps it is based on insecurity and not trusting when they are interacting. I have pretty much felt like this before in my other relationships. Something that seems so stupid is ruining our potential marriage, our happiness and peace and its being replace with sadness and resentment.
If what he is doing is technically not wrong, but because it is causing a wedge between us, does that mean he has to cut his ties and forsake all others for our future, or does this just mean I will have to get over it and suppress my feelings (which has never worked by the way lol).
Marriage is tough enough as it is, we need not take on any other problems if can avoided. Speaking from what you told me (as they are always two side of the story) it seems that this young lady does not respect the up coming union of marriage and needs to be put into her place, hopefully in a nice way, but she needs to know here place.
Men (and I am talking about me as well) are lovers of attention. Not saying that he will cheat on anything like that, but when attention comes we will jump on it, not knowing that we could be disrespecting the one that we love. That is why we must learn the teachings of Christ and His Bride (The Church) Nothing comes before the Church, he tells us to love our wives as Christ loves the Church. So in the teaching, nothing and no one should come before you. This other young lady could be completely harmless and mean nothing by it….but if it is causing problems now, life Barney Fife says…nip it in the bud. Don’t take it into the marriage. Forsaken all others says nothing come before me and my mate…..and lesson that I took much too long to learn. God bless you and your upcoming union.
I have been with my husband for 3 years and been married 6 months. I married him knowing th pas we hadof him cheating having 2 other childre. for the longest time he chose not to see his children because there mother made our relationship hard. He would run from her to me and so one everytime he got mad,. so we chose not to see the children and things worked out for us but he does pay child support. Since we have gotten married we have started getting the children. When his children come to the house, he acts like i dont exsist and he treats me as if i am his child and also a house wife. What should i do? He is not grasping the fact that i am his wife and that I am to come before all others except god.
My 54 year old husband is an EX-Pastor (2nd profession), he was thrown out of the church for having an illicit affair with a 24 year old girl a few months ago he was supposedly counseling regarding her marriage (she is still married by the way, but separated). He submitted a letter of resignation claiming personal and family reasons to release him from the church.
He claimed it was over and it was me, his wife of 32 years that he wanted. But the affais is still going on. A friend saw him pull into the woman’s driveway this morning at 5:30 after I had left to go to work. Did I mention that he refuses to get a job? I am so hurt, he says to my face that it is me he wants, but he is mean and ugly to me. He runs hot and cold, I never know what any comment I make or thing that I do will set him off. I feel that all I am is a cash cow to him. What could come over a used-to-be decent man to do something like this?
What could come over a used-to-be decent man to mess around with a 24 year old married women while he is married also to you? Lust & adultry.He needs to repent.His sin will find him out.I know how you feel….rejection & pain.God knows what you are going through also & will never reject you or forsake you.I pray for healing & restoration of your marriage & above all….forgiveness.Stolen waters are sweet in the beginning but turn to wormwood & death in the end.
I’ve been married for 9yr.s now. My husband & I dicussed what we wanted out of our marriage & what we expect. We both had been married before, so to lay it on the line as how we see things was really important. There’s no skeleton in my closet, he knows all about my life. So, anyway, he asked me to give up my bestfriend and dancing. I did with no remorse because it was for us. Well, he apparently told me everything I needed to know about him. No, try again. 9yr.s & 3rd time I’ve caught him looking at porn, but this last time he was looking up women on youtube. Well, due to failed marriages communcation has always been real imortant, but know he tells me he has a problem & I’m not a man, and I hold people to a higher standard. Now, he grow up going to church, I didn’t. Why is he now, telling me he has a problem? Was it not a problem the last two times? I explained my views on this when we decided to get married, so did he. So, how does it change? He’s lied to me about it, I forgave him the last 2 times, said i would fogive him this time, but now I have so much resentment & anger. We have 6 children. I’m very old-fashioned. Family comes first, but i just can’t handle it this time. I’m sick of being lied to. I feel as if he is someone else, things he said he didn’t believe in now he’s doing? I caught our 16 yr. old looking up porn & he denied it, & my husband bad mouthed him for doing it & lying about it. Hello, he’s doing the samething? It’s like he has he rules for himself & the rest of us are suppose to eat it. I mean he flips out if another man looks @ me or I wear something that might draw a glance, but he’s looking @ other women behind my back for 9yr.s. I pray for help to let it go & have,what I thought was a good honest marriage, but I find myself insulting him. Yes, i want him to hurt like he’s hurt me. Some days I wish he just wouldn’t come home. I feel so gaurded, I don’t think i’m in love with him anymore, I just feel more alone with him than i ever did when i was truely alone.I believe in forsaking all others, that means in every aspect. I also believe in respecting eachother, but now I just feel so much hate. I pray that this feeling heals, but i can’t seem to stop that feeling of wanting him to go. I foresake things in my life that where for hissake, how does God view this? I believe it’s adultery & if I choose to divorce I have that right in the eyes of God.
scriptures to read would help, thank you.
Read this in tears…Whew! Anyway, I have your email address and will be in touch with you real soon. Praying for you as I type and thank you for sharing, as you have bless others in sharing, who are going through the same or similar issues. Love you the love of Christ. God bless you.
Byron
Let me start by thanking you for your time. I really appreciate your attention, and your help. I am a young man of nineteen years, and I am a sophomore in college. My wife and I decided to get married last year (as first-year students in college), and God has richly blessed us. We have been supporting ourselves largely with student loans, which allow us to live month-to-month. However, we also receive support from my wife’s family. They do not pay for very much, but they help when it is absolutely needed.
My wife and I have been married for more than a year now, but I feel that she has not “forsaken all others” for our marriage. She calls and texts her mother every day, and occasionally calls and texts her brother throughout the week. I do focus on my homework quite a bit, and I suppose that it is understandable for her to get in touch with them when she has nothing else to do (when I am at work), but I have found that even when we are spending time together, she has a difficult time putting down her phone. I have fully expressed my concerns and desires to her, but she thinks that I am being ridiculous. She says that I am jealous and insecure.
She has also not fully left her family in that she will almost always side with them if we have a discussion about theology, politics, entertainment, etc. There is almost nothing that she will side with me on, when we are talking with her family. It has hurt my feelings on multiple occasions, because I feel betrayed. I feel that she does not take our marriage as seriously as I do, because she does not understand the solemnity of “forsaking all others” and placing me first in our relationship.
In addition, I feel that she has not placed me first in her life because she acts like she is still living with them. When she learned that her father (a military officer) was going to be assigned to a location in an exotic country, she became so excited that it almost seemed that she wanted to move back in with her family. I am not sure if it is wrong for me to feel hurt by this, but I cannot help but feel sad that I am not able to make her as happy as she could be if she were still living with her parents. When I consider how much she enjoys to spend time with her family, I wonder why she wanted to marry me in the first place.
To make a long story short, I am not sure if my heart is in the correct place. Am I being a controlling person? Does it seem that I am insecure, or overly jealous? I feel like I simply want us to be first in each other’s lives, but that she was not ready to make the commitment that I was ready to make. Thank you so much for your time! I am really looking forward to your response.
Please forgive me for just answering you (I think) not sure if I have or not in a email message. Nevertheless, I am so sorry, the time of your statement came in a very changing time in my life.
Now as for you, I pray things I have gotten better, but what i can see for you and maybe others is that your wife, according to what I have read, your wife have a problem with leaving her mother and father, and cleaving to her husband as we are commanded by God. In short, you might have married legally a grown woman, but in reality a child who was not ready to leave the comfort of Mamma and Daddy. Very few in their early twenties are ready and mature enough to take on the responsibility of marriage. Half of the time, we don’t even know ourselves, so how are we going to live with someone and learn them as well.
I know in the early part of my marriage, I made the mistake of trying to please my mother and my wife…….it cannot be done. Your spouse must come first.
Nevertheless, you are married and no longer two, but one flesh, so sit down and try to communicate, let her know how you feel, and she the same. If there is any trouble in the home, let her know it stays in the house, you are now her head, as her head, you are responsible for working this out. She is your help meet, not her mother and father, as both of you sign up until death do you part. These are not slogans, but vows made to each and to God, take them seriously, and let nothing come between each other and no one.
God bless you and forgive me again, please get back in touch with me.
Yesterday, I learned that my husband had been contacting his ex wife back in May 25 2011. They actualy ran into each other at a restaurant. She private messaged him on Facebook about her separating from her husband, asking my husband if he still had her email and they both agreed how emotional it was to see each other. My husband told her if she wanted to “chat and catch up” to email him. Looking back at the dates, this is the same time he was physicall abusive to me and spent time in jail with a 90 day restraining order.
There was also a private FB message to his high school sweetheart back in December 2012 telling her he was sorry for how he treated he 30 years ago when he broke up with her, how she was his first true love and he wanted forgiveness.
There was another FB message to a girl this past February 18 2013 with a smiley face only, which leads me to believe there was more to the messaging. On Valentines Day he was out ot town, flew in late but had all sorts of surprises for me. A week later, I learned he made a purchase at Victoria Secrets, but he said he must have misplaced it back at the hotel he was staying at.
I am a bit broken because this private. secretive messaging continues. It went on before we were married ( my mistake 0, and started 4 months into ourmarriage with a female coworker.
We went to counseling and was told the exact same thing as foresakeing all others….
After 8 years of marriage, just 6-8 months ago he starts talking about ho whe has changed and realized we do not talk enough and cannot communicate. He wants that now and needs that now. We try to talk but it gets explosive. I am to blame for my part in that. I try not to, but he is so double minded that I fell I have to prove myself and defend myselt in every aspect.
Today he told me he felt his exchanges with his ex, high school sweetheart and highs chool friend were not wrong. Said it was all innocent. I DO NOT AGREE and do feel there is more to each story but cannot prove it.
We are a blended family as well. Hard.
I personally have done things with this man outside God’s boundaries of marriage that disgust me. I confessed it and I know I am forgiven. I have done everything and beyond for him.
I am tired. When does it stop.
We are at a huge impass in that I believe in foresaking all others and it is now obvious he does not.
I told him he needds to decide how to resolve or DISSOLVE this marriage. It is not what I want and I do not want to break my covenant with God, but I am tired.
May I ask if there was any abuse before the marriage?
Any man who hits his wife, or any woman isn’t worth the time of day, but that’s my opinion.
Social media can ruin a marriage if one allows it, and it’s not Facebook, but the person. For just like the internet, there is no evil in being on the internet, but we can make it evil by our actions.
As a minister I will never tell one to divorce, I believe it’s until death do us part, but at the same time I don’t feel that God wants anyone man or woman to endure such disrespect. A man must learn that he is commanded by God to treat his wife, like Christ loves the Church and gave his life for it. Yes! as a wife you are to obey, but I tell each brother ,give your wife something to respect if you want her to obey.
Myself, I have had to give up or better die to a lot of things to become a better husband, and I am talking about being apart from my wife for over 6 years. Main reason I didn’t want to die to singleness, I didn’t want to die to Facebook activity that was not good for a married man. And it doesn’t’ always have to be a physical act, but even our words can be that which is not pleasing in God eyes.
My advice is to seek God, stay in prayer, even fast, before you make any decisions. Also being part of a blended family is tough enough, but a break up will bring pain to others who have already been part of a end to a family for whatever reasons, so the decisions that the both of you make will affect others.
When I wrote this blog, way back in 2008, I was two years into our separation and learning what I did to break up my marriage. But even though I had learned, I still wasn’t ready to die to the things that caused the break up;. So your husband, according to what you have wrote, has to want to do right first, in order for things to work, the Bible puts it like this faith without works is dead, the world puts it like this….”talk is cheap”. Before one does right, he or she must want do do right. The question……doe he wants to do right. I am praying for you, please keep in touch……
My husband and I have been together since 2005, I have 2 children prior to our relationship, married less than 2 years, and never lived under the same roof for more than 3 months due to his job. He started working as a civilian contractor overseas in 2009 and comes home at least twice a year for about 21-25 days.
This trip home has been the worst ever for me. Less than 24 hours after I picked him up from the airport his younger brother arrives in town from across the country for his military leave. Apparently the plan was for him to stay at our house during his leave. I don’t have a problem with his brother being in our home, but he should have given me and my husband a week alone prior to coming. He has other options, my mother-in-law lives 2 hours away, and he has a host of friends that live nearby, or he could have gotten a hotel room. We spend a lot of time planning and coordinating how to spend time together when my husband comes home. Our children are actively involved in many things and I have a busy career. The entire week and a half that I took off from work my brother in law has been in our home.
When I voiced how I was feeling to my husband he told me how he wasn’t raised to treat blood that way. Everytime i speak with him about his mother or brother he gets really offensive and makes me feel like they come before me in his life.
Hearing him say that truly hurt my feelings and made me feel like what am I here for. I didn’t tell him that his brother could not stay or that I didn’t want them to see each other (by the way we were also taking a trip that included his brother, some of our friends, and other family members) I just asked that we have time alone especially during my time off from work. His brother is still in our home and now his daughter is also here.
What happened to considering our marriage and the intimate time we need together, especially since we only see each other 2-3 times a year and my husband wants more children? Forsaking all others…I feel like my husband has failed at this by allowing his brother into our home at this time. I am hurt,disappointed and angry because time is something you can never get back.
And not even step children (grown step-children) A husband should not put his grown daughter before his wife!
I think, forgiveness is the key to maintaining marriage. When a person can no longer forgive, the marriage most likely might end.
In the beginning, when Elohim (God the Son) created man, the first marriage occurred between the Spirit of Elohim and the man formed from the dust of the ground when Elohim “breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and the man became a living soul.” (Gen. 2:4, Holy Name Bible-HNB).
Without the marriage of the Spirit and the flesh, the man cannot even be alive. That is the first marriage without which we all physically die. And truly, when that marriage ceases, we die physically. If during our lives the soul within us does not become married to the Spirit poured out on all flesh after the Resurrection, on the Day of Pentecost, some people believe that the Spirit returns to the Father unmarried to our souls. Oops!
That is why we must choose this day Whom we will serve, and why our relationship to the Holy Ghost while we are alive is so important. It is written that “2 I am Yahweh Thy Elohim, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. 3 Thou shalt have no elohim before Me.” (Ex 20:2-3 HNB)
In other words, forsake all others and don’t cheat on Me.
Gen. 2:17-21, (HNB) went on to say “17…but for the man there was not found a help suitable for him. 18 And Yahweh Elohim (the LORD God) caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man and he slept: and He took the telsa (Hebrew: translated in the KJV eleven times as “chamber” and twice as “rib”) and closed up the flesh instead thereof; 19 And the telsa which Yahweh Elohim had taken from man, made He a woman (Womb-man) and brought her unto the man. 20 And the man said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called “Woman,” because she was taken out of man. 21 Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
Yahshua the Messiah (Jesus the Christ) said it this way in Matthews 19: 6 -12 (HNB), “6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore Yahweh hath joined together, let no man put asunder. 7 They say unto Him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away if she were not pleasing in his sight? 8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts permitted you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. ( And I say unto you, Whosoever shall divorce his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is divorced doth also commit adultery. 10 His disciples say unto Him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it in not good to marry. 11 But He said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. 12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs by men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the Kingdom of Heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.”
Finally, Yahshua said in Matt 5: 44-45 (HNB), 44 “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in Heaven:…” In Matt 18 21-22 it is written “21 Then came Peter to Him, and said, Rabbi, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? 22 Yahshua saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times; but, Until seventy times seven.” And in
Matt 7:20-23 (HNB) Yahshua said, “20 Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them. 21 Not every one that saith unto Me, Rabbi, Rabbi, shall enter into the Kingdom of Heaven, but he that doeth the will of My Father which is in Heaven. 22 Many will say unto Me in that day, Rabbi, Rabbi, did we not eat and drink in Thy Name? and in Thy Name have cast out demons? and in Thy Name done many wonderful works? 23 And then will I say unto them, I never knew you: depart from Me, ye that work iniquity.”……… “But go ye and learn what this meaneth, ‘I will have mercy and not sacrifice’: for I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.” Matt 9:13. (HNB) ” …….. forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. Matt 6:12 (HNB)
thank you for sharing. Your post is the first I pulled for a search engine and it hit my marriage perfectly. I only hope my spouse will agree. My spouse places their child from a previous marriage( who is 32 years old and married with their own child) first in our marriage and this son is a non-beleiver. As a result their have been numerous lies, deception and loyalness to this son before our marriage of just 6 years.My spouse is will to let it all go rather than stop lying and support a child who is not helpless or under 21 but who is 32 years old. IT hurts me.
If we are in the Messiah, we are called to hurt. We are called to suffer. We are called into tribulation. We are called to follow Him. Somewhere in the Scriptures, it is written, For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son so that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. He died on a cross for us to be accounted righteous while we were yet sinners. He loved us so much that He didn’t wait for us to do it right. He did it right for us so that He could defeat our adversary on our behalf until through faith we could receive the strength to simply believe in His work, and He filled us with His Spirit to help us along the way. We love Him because He loved us first. By His stripes, by His his suffering we are healed. We were crucified with Him on that cross, and raised with Him to serve the Almighty Creator of this universe. And He said, “…I will dwell in them, and walk in them… And I will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be My sons and daughters, saith Yahweh the Almighty”. (II Corinthians 6: 16-18, Holy Name Bible-HNB) So, it was His purpose to save us and not leave us alone. Also, we are called to love all men; not just the good ones. Believe me, I feel that this is a most painful thing to do in the flesh. But we are not alone. We have to yield to the Father in us and let Him do the work. It is not us doing good, but it is His righteousness working in us that does the work, if we follow the Spirit that He gave to us to help us and teach us all things. Romans 7:4 (HNB) says,”…ye also are become dead to the law by the body of the Messiah; that ye should be married to another, even to Him Who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit unto Yahweh.” I Peter 5:2-3 (HNB) says, “Feed the flock of Yahweh which is among you,… Neither as being rulers over them, but being examples to the flock.” Peter was speaking to elders, which you are.
Finally, I know that people sometimes look up to parents to help them in times of financial distress (regardless of the cause.) If a parent can help, is it not righteousness to do so? This requires much patience sometimes. From my recollection, it is the will of Yahweh that none should perish. Those are my thoughts. But go to the Savior in prayer for the specific instructions He wants you to follow. Read the Scriptures (Ephesians). They’ll give you more knowledge of His will in your situation. Remember the lyrics from that old song? (Jesus is on the main line, Tell Him want you want, Call Him up and tell Him what you want.) Then wait on His deliverance. He’s in heaven, and He’s in you. He’ll make a way out of no way for you. Trust Him. And follow His lead.
Odd that you use the husband’s point of view in your article…I know women who value their friends over their husband. Also, in my case, there is a mistress between me and my husband…has been for about 30 years of our 36 yrs. Oh she’s not what you’re thinking….I call her the lady in the bottle. I am now 60 yrs old and dreading the rest of our life together as we approach retirement. He’s a good provider, and, from what he says, I guess he believes that God approves because we tithe, go to church, and he prays. However, when he drinks (every night), he becomes annoying or obnoxious…many times both. I have been praying for him for years. I’m beginning to think that nothing is going to change. I stay at my parents’ house alot. My father is in a nursing home and my mother is alone. I’ve been taking care of my parents for several years with very little help. I am now staying with my mom. We talked about making a place for my mother in our home, but when he drinks he complains about it, so I decided we shouldn’t move her to our home. Now I don’t want to go home anymore. I can’t stand to be around him. When he’s not drinking too much, I tell him how I honesyly feel…about how I do not like him when he’s like that and he says he doesn’t care or take the log out of my own eye…I guess meaning that I’m not perfect….but who is. I’ve decided that if he refuses to get professional help, then I’m not coming home when he is there. I won’t divorce him, but I’ve had enough!
Marriage is the bond between two people and should not be broken by any outsider. The scripture tells us it’s a sin to cast a stumbling block in the pathway of our brothers. Therefore, when there is interference in the sacred ceremony of marriage, these people can’t possibly love the couple. Placing undo and unnecessary stress and strain, in my opinion, is a stumbling block. The scripture says to not even give the appearance of, meaning don’t have outsiders giving false impressions to your mate, having them uncomfortable in the eyes of the community. Marriage as described means uniting as one body, one spirit, one mind, one thought…Christ says to love one another as He loved the church. The constitution of marriage is sacred and should be treated as such.
I have a question.
What about spending time with your sister?
She is flesh and blood.
Someone who is dear to my heart.
It doesn’t hurt my husband in any way, other than he’s jealous.
Because he’s not close to his family.
I love my husband so much.
But my parents are gone. They bhad a large family, so when they weren’t around anymore, we would have each other.
I don’t think that God wants us to forsake our family?
On surface, I see no problem with you spending time your sister, but at the same time, you must have balance, as your husband must and always come first. As what might seems balance to you, might not be to him. So not taking sides, as I am on the outside looking in, and cannot see the entire picture. As there might be others issues in his past that might (again might) be causing this problem. I agree with you, God does not want you to forsake your family, but your husband must come first. Sit down and talk it over, listen to his side of the story, as well, he must listen to your side. Praying that both find common ground, as Satan gets so much joy when a marriage is broken. Be Blessed in Jesus Name
Good afternoon praise god! So I have a problem myself with this saying well not me I guess my husband more then me. I was very sick for many year’s with a battle of cancer. Praise God he pulled me through it!!! But during this time I couldn’t have sex with my partner. He assured me every day sex wasn’t important to him and all he cared about was me getting better and how much he loved me. He told me every day how much he loved me. Well after all of that I get on his phone and long and behold I find messages from (she’s just a friend) from 15 years ago. Naked pictures him asking for sex and how I’m just not giving it up and this and that. When confronted about it all he could say was I didn’t understand the vowels. So my question is. I understand it is my responsibility as a wife to make sure my husband is satisfied in every aspect but when you are pretty much on your death bed is it acceptable to forsake your wife? I don’t think it is but I just wanted to make sure I’m not crazy in my head!
No it is not acceptable for man to forsake his wife, doing an illness which she cannot perform sexual duties to her husband. For when one get married, they forsake all others, in good time, in bad times, their obligation is to their mate.
I am reading all of these comments and realize, i am not alone neither am i crazy, as my husband claims. I am his 4th wife, he is my second husband, i am 55 yrs. old. When i married him, i had no idea that he was continuing to have a relationship with his ex wife and her biological grown adult daughters. I was shocked after our marriage when he obviously expected me to be ok with this continued relationship with his one adult ex-stepdaughter. I have tried to be Christlike for the past 5 years, enduring conversations of her bringing up past memories or things about her mother in my presence. I finally emailed his ex wife and told her that i needed to present my offense, that she and my husband were emotionally committing adultery and that i wanted her to stop participating in it, even if my husband was the instigator. Well, she never responded but told her adult daughters about it and i was sent an evil, foul mouth…so disrespectful text message, i wouldn’t even allow my own mother to read it, if she were living. I let him read it and he told me that it was my fault for emailing his ex and that they are not his enemy, not his problem, my problem. I am so broken hearted, he vowed to forsake all others but he has never forsaken anyone…his ex stepdaughter come before me, his grown adult sons come before me…everyone, including himself, comes before me… No verbal, emotional or physical affection. It dawned on me last night as i was crying out to the Lord, how can i possibly think that my husband would give up anything that selfishly pleases him when he won’t fully submit and commit to a Holy God who has loved him and died for his sins?? When we don’t love God with all of our being, how can we possibly love anyone else right either? I am just so tired and….his heart is so hard.